she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
