remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
