did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
