I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
