3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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