just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
