The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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