I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
