I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
