Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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