So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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