Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
