hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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