Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
