Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
