shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
