wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
