had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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