Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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