just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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