New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
