and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
