My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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