its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
