So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
