I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
