And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
