I hate your face
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just threw up on my dentist
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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