Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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