Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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