I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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