Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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