We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
