That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
