I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
