She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have aggressive nipples.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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