So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
