It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
