her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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