Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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