Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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