wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
