so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
