If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
