escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
