I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
