You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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