the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
