Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
