ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
