You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
