cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
